Harmony House Women's Shelter

About Harmony House

 

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Frequently Asked Questions

About Harmony House

About the women who need Harmony House

About violence

How to help

Q: What is second stage shelter?
A: A second stage shelter offers longer-term transitional housing. First stage shelter are 90% funded by the provincial government. The limitation is that women can only stay for a maximum period of eight weeks. eight weeks Secondstage shelters are 100% self funded by means of donations, corporate sponsorships and fundraising. The government has now started putting money back into those second stage shelters that managed to survive 10 years without funding. While it's nowhere near what was cut, or what is needed to operated the shelter, it is a step in the right direction.
Q: What is the difference between a "first stage" shelter and a "second stage" shelter?
A:
A first stage or emergency shelter operates a 24 hour crisis line and can accept women and children 24 hours a day seven days a week (provided there is room) and women can stay there for up to 10 weeks. Individual women and families live communally (sharing kitchens, bathrooms, and household chores etc.)
A second stage shelter provides individual apartments, at rents geared to income, with supportive programming where women can live with their children (where applicable) for up to a year. Often women and children come to live at second stage shelters when they have ongoing support, safety or advocacy needs. 
Q: Why is Harmony House needed in the community?
A: Given that HH is the only second stage shelter serving the Eastern Ontario communities, our existence is vital to the shelter success. Ten weeks at a first stage shelter is often not sufficient for women and their children to secure independent living especially if a relocation is part of the safety plan. Also, there are often security issues that continue to exists for the family and they need the secure environment and support of professional staff like HH.
Q: Where do the women using HH services come from?
A: HH accepts referrals from all first stage shelters as well as various social agencies and by direct calls to HH.
Q: How many women go back to their partners?
A: The vast majority of women who leave Harmony House do not reconcile with their partners. This is for a number of reasons. Often the women who come to Harmony House do so because they have resolved not to return to their partners. This is often after many attempts to leave the situation. Generally it takes abused women many attempts before permanently leaving an abusive situation. These attempts allow the woman to assess what resources are available, whether they are helpful, how her partner reacts and so on. Often when a woman leaves a violent situation her partner promises things will change and she returns in the hopes that this will be true. When it turns out that the abuse continues, she will often attempt to leave again. Another reason women are able to not return to abusive situations upon leaving Harmony House is that they have adequate time to set up the supports and resources they will need to be able to support themselves and their families.
Q: What is the ethnic background of the women at Harmony House?
A: We service all women and children regardless of their ethnic background. Over the years, we have had a variety of families from different cultures and races. No one ethnicity dominates the culture of our residents.
Q: How do women in need find out about HH?
A: Most obviously, the crisis agencies like first stage shelters, Distress Centre and Ottawa Rape Crisis Centre would inform women of the services of Harmony House. Other social agencies like community centres, hospitals and local churches also have knowledge of HH. HH is listed in the telephone directory and has pamphlets located at local social agencies.
Q: What is the average length of stay for a resident at Harmony House?
A: Approximately six months. This varies based on an individual woman's support needs and her housing priority. If a woman (or family) feels she needs to stay the whole year she is welcome to. Some women feel ready to move out sooner. If a woman does not qualify for subsidized housing priority, she will often stay the full year and may have to go back into the shelter system at the end if there are no other options available.
Q: Where do the women and children go after they leave Harmony House?
A: Ideally, women and their children leave HH to go onto permanent housing. Some women will move in with other members of their family or with friends. Given certain limitations such as affordable housing, lack of financial resources or ongoing security risks, permanent housing is not always possible for our families in which case HH staff will find alternatives. In all cases, we focus on avoiding putting women and their children back in a high risk situation for violence.
Q: What causes violence against women?
A: It is not clearly understood why certain men choose to assault their partners and other men choose not to. It is clear that it is a choice. There are many in depth explorations of this topic which could be useful to understanding the issue. Experienced workers in this area have, however, reached consensus on at least two factors that contribute to man's use of violence against his partner.

  1. Certain societal conditions and beliefs encourage violence. There is tremendous Social Tolerance for men to use force against their partners. In our male-dominated society, men have historically been assigned the task of upholding a hierarchal structure within the family as well as within the community. Remember the Rule of Thumb which allowed men the right to beat their wives with a switch as long as it was no wider than his thumb. Beliefs and values also play a huge role. Men born into this system and socialized in the traditional male role come to beleive the following ideas which promote the continuation of woman abuse.
    1. The superiority of men
    2. The equation of physical power and dominance with masculinity.
    3. The validity of using physical force and intimidation as a problem solving method.
  2. Community Responses Perpetuate Violence Against Women. A community's allocation of resources will reflect its stand on social issues. It is evident there are limited community resources available to the victim. The attitudes she confronts from most segments of the community are more often than not detrimental to ensuring her safety. Offenders also confront responses from the community that fail to hold them accountable for their abusive actions. [1]
Q: I think my friend is being abused. How can I help her?
A:

Tell-tale signs of abuse:

  • Does she have a lot of health problems?
  • Does she use medication, street drugs or alchohol to handle stress?
  • Is she unhappy or nervous but doesnt say why?
  • Do you see bruises or does she move as if it hurts?
  • Does she work very hard at housework, at her relationship, at catering to her partner?
  • Does she appear tired or hopeless?
  • Is she becoming more isolated from you?

What Can you Do to help?

  • Ask her if she has been hurt by her partner or if she is afraid of him
  • Believe her
  • Help her plan for crisis-tell her about women's shelters and encourage her to call the police.
  • Encourage her to talk about the violence
  • Tell her she is not alone and that leaving is not failing
  • Do not tell her what to do-Listen and dont judge her
  • DO NOT confront her partner
  • If she is not ready to make changes in her life DO NOT take away your friendship. Your support and advice may be what will make it possible for her to leave at a later date.
Q: How can I help Harmony House?
A: The greatest contribution we can all make is to break the silence. We need to be diligent in our awareness of violence issues and not think that it is none of our business. If you have knowledge of a woman or child being abused, you need to do something.
  • You can also help by educating others about violence against women and by confronting comments that perpetuate violence against women.
  • You can participate in your local events for the National Day of Rememberance and Action on Violence Against Women on December 6, to remember the women who have been killed and to continue action to end violence in all its forms.
  • You can become a Harmony House volunteer
  • You can attend our next fundraising event
  • Most of all, Harmony House needs your financial support.

[1] - paraphrased from Understanding Wife Assault , Deborah Sinclair, Toronto Ontario 1985

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Last updated June 30th, 2008